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the disease, for the patient recovers: if the phy-. sician and the disease join, then down goes the patient, that is where the physician mistakes the case: if the patient and the disease join, then

265. Alexander visited Diogenes in his tub, and when he asked him what he would desire of him? Diogenes answered, “That you would stand a little aside, that the sun may come to me."

forth into her privy-chamber, and admitted her ladies to have access unto her, and amongst the rest my Lady Paget presented herself, and came to her with a smiling countenance. The queen bent her brows, and seemed to be highly dis-down goes the physician, for he is discredited. pleased, and said to her, "Madam, you are not ignorant of my extreme grief, and do you come to me with a countenance of joy?" My Lady Paget answered, "Alas, and it please your majesty, it is impossible for me to be absent from you three weeks, but that when I see you, I must look cheerfully." "No, no," said the queen, not forgetting her former averseness to the match, "you have some other conceit in it, tell me plainly." My lady answered, "I must obey you it is this, I was thinking how happy your majesty was, in that you married not Monsieur; 268. Heraclitus the Obscure said; "The dry for seeing you take such thought for his death, light was the best soul :" meaning, when the fabeing but your friend; if he had been your hus-culties intellectual are in vigour, not wet, nor, as band, sure it would have cost you your life." it were, blooded by the affections.

266. Diogenes said of a young man that danced daintily, and was much commended, “The better, the worse.”

267. Diogenes called an ill musician, Cock. "Why?" saith he. Diogenes answered; "Because when you crow, men use to rise."

270. Whitehead, a grave divine, was much

because he was against the government of bishops. He was of a blunt stoical nature: he came one day to the queen, and the queen happened to say to him, "I like thee the better, Whitehead, because thou livest unmarried." He answered again, "In troth, madam, I like you the worse for the same cause."

262. Sir Edward Dyer, a grave and wise gen- 269. There was in Oxford a cowardly fellow tleman, did much believe in Kelly the alchemist, that was a very good archer; he was abused that he did indeed the work, and made gold: inso-grossly by another, and moaned himself to Walmuch that he went into Germany, where Kelly ter Raleigh, then a scholar, and asked his advice then was, to inform himself fully thereof. After what he should do to repair the wrong had been his return, he dined with my lord of Canter-offered him; Raleigh answered, "Why, chalbury, where at that time was at the table Dr. lenge him at a match of shooting." Brown the physician. They fell in talk of Kelly. Sir Edward Dyer, turning to the arch-esteemed by Queen Elizabeth, but not preferred, bishop said, "I do assure your grace, that that I shall tell you is truth, I am an eyewitness thereof; and if I had not seen it, I should not have believed it. I saw Master Kelly put of the base metal into the crucible; and after it was set a little upon the fire, and a very small quantity of the medicine put in, and stirred with a stick of wood, it came forth in great proportion, perfect gold; to the touch, to the hammer, to the test." My lord archbishop said, "You had need take heed what you say, Sir Edward Dyer, for here is an infidel at the board." Sir Edward Dyer said again pleasantly, "I would have looked for an infidel sooner in any place than at your grace's table." "What say you, Dr. Brown?" saith the bishop. Dr. Brown answered, after his blunt and huddling manner, "The gentleman hath spoken enough for me." "Why," saith the bishop, "what hath he said ?" "Marry," saith Dr. Brown, "he said, he would not have believed it, except he had seen it, and no more will I."

263. Democritus said, "That truth did lie in profound pits, and when it was got, it needed much refining."

264. Doctor Johnson said that in sickness there were three things that were material; the physician, the disease, and the patient: and if any two of these joined, then they have the victory; for, Ne Hercules quidem contra duos." If the physician and the patient join, then down goes

271. There was a nobleman that was lean of visage, but immediately after his marriage he grew pretty plump and fat. One said to him, "Your lordship doth contrary to other married men; for they at the first wax lean, and you wax fat." Sir Walter Raleigh stood by, and said, “Why, there is no beast, that if you take him from the common, and put him into the several, but he will wax fat."

272. Diogenes seeing one, that was a bastard, casting stones among the people, bade him take heed he hit not his father.

273. Dr. Laud said, "that some hypocrites and seeming mortified men, that held down their heads like bulrushes, were like the little images that they place in the very bowing of the vaults of churches, that look as if they held up the church, but are but puppets."

274. It was said among some of the grave prelates of the council of Trent, in which the schooldivines bore the sway; that the schoolmen were like the astronomers, who, to save the phænomena, framed to their conceit eccentrics and epicycles, and a wonderful engine of orbs, though no

such things were: so they, to save the practice of the church, had devised a number of strange positions.

275. It was also said by many concerning the canons of that council, "That we are beholden to Aristotle for many articles of our faith."

276. The Lo. Henry Howard, being lord privyseal, was asked by the king openly at the table, where commonly he entertained the king, upon the sudden, “My lord, have you not a desire to see Rome?" My lord privy-seal answered, "Yes, indeed, sir." The king said, " And why ?" My lord answered, "Because, and it please your majesty, it was once the seat of the greatest monarchy, and the seminary of the bravest men of the world, amongst the heathen: and then again, because after it was the see of so many holy bishops in the primitive church, most of them martyrs." The king would not give it over, but said, “And for nothing else?" My lord answered, “Yes, and it please your majesty, for two things especially: the one to see him, who, they say, hath so great a power to forgive other men their sins, to confess his own sins upon his knees before a chaplain or priest; and the other to hear Antichrist say his creed."

277. There was a nobleman said of a great counsellor, "that he would have made the worst farrier in the world; for he never shod horse but he cloyed him so he never commended any man to the king for service, or upon occasion of suit,

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278. There was a lady of the west country, that gave great entertainment at her house to most of the gallant gentlemen thereabout, and amongst others Sir Walter Raleigh was one. This lady, though otherwise a stately dame, was a notable good housewife; and in the morning betimes she called to one of her maids that looked to the swine, and asked, "Is the piggy served?" Sir Walter Raleigh's chamber was fast by the lady's, so as he heard her. A little before dinner, the lady came down in great state into the great chamber, which was full of gentlemen: and as soon as Sir Walter Raleigh set eye upon her, “Madam,” saith he, "Is the piggy served ?" The lady answered, "You best know whether you have had your breakfast."

279. There was a gentleman fell very sick, and a friend of his said to him, "Surely, you are in danger; I pray send for a physician." But the sick man answered, "It is no matter, for if I die, I will die at leisure."

280. There was an Epicurean vaunted, that divers of other sects of philosophers did after turn Epicureans; but there was never any Epicureans that turned to any other sect. Whereupon a philosopher that was of another sect said, "The reason was plain; for that cocks may be made capons, but capons could never be made cocks."

CERTAIN APOPHTHEGMS

OF THE

LORD BACON'S.

FIRST PUBLISHED IN THE "BACONIAN A.”

1. PLUTARCH said well, "It is otherwise in a commonwealth of men than of bees: the hive of a city or kingdom is in best condition when there is least of noise or buz in it."

2. The same Plutarch said of men of weak abilities set in great place, "That they were like little statues set on great bases, made to appear the less by their advancement."

3. He said again, "Good fame is like fire. When you have kindled it, you may easily preserve it; but if once you extinguish it, you will not easily kindle it again; at least, not make it burn as bright as it did."

4. The answer of Apollonius to Vespasian is

full of excellent* instruction: Vespasian asked him, "What was Nero's overthrow ?" He answered, "Nero could touch and tune the harp well; but in government sometimes he used to wind the pins too high, sometimes to let them down too low." And certain it is, that nothing destroyeth authority so much as the unequal and untimely interchange of power pressed too far, and relaxed too much.

5. Queen Elizabeth, seeing Sir Edward in her garden, looked out at her window, and asked him in Italian, "What does a man think of when he thinks of nothing?" Sir Edward,

*This apophthegm is also found in his Essay of Empire.

who had not had the effect of some of the queen's | Lord St. Albans, wishing him a good Easter. My grants so soon as he had hoped and desired, lord thanked the messenger, and said, “He could paused a little; and then made answer, "Madam, not at present requite the count better than in rehe thinks of a woman's promise." The queen turning him the like; that he wished his lordship shrunk in her head; but was heard to say, "Well, a good passover." Sir Edward, I must not confute you." Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

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13. My Lord Chancellor Elsmere, when he had read a petition which he disliked, would say, "What, you would have my hand to this now?” And the party answering, "Yes;" he would say further, "Well, so you shall: nay, you shall have both my hands to it." And so would, with both his hands, tear it in pieces.

14. I knew a wise man,* that had it for a byword, when he saw men hasten to a conclusion, "Stay a little that we may make an end the sooner."

15. Sir Francis Bacon was wont to say of an angry man who suppressed his passion, "That he thought worse than he spake ;" and of an angry man that would chide, "That he spoke worse than he thought."

16. He was wont also to say, "That power in an ill man was like the power of a black witch; he could do hurt but no good with it." And he would add, "That the magicians could turn water into blood, but could not turn the blood again to

8. King James was wont to be very earnest with the country gentlemen to go from London to their country houses. And sometimes he would say thus to them, "Gentlemen, at London you are like ships in a sea, which show like no-water." thing; but in your country villages you are like ships in a river, which look like great things."

9. Soon after the death of a great officer, who was judged no advancer of the king's matters, the king said to his solicitor Bacon, who was his kinsman, "Now tell me truly, what say you of your cousin that is gone?" Mr. Bacon answered, "Sir, since your majesty doth charge me, I'll e'en deal plainly with you, and give you such a character of him, as if I were to write his story. I do think he was no fit counsellor to make your affairs better but yet he was fit to have kept them from growing worse." The king said, "On my so'l, man, in the first thou speakest like a true man, and in the latter like a kinsman."

10. King James, as he was a prince of great judgment, so he was a prince of marvellous pleasant humour; and there now come into my mind two instances of it. As he was going through Lusen, by Greenwich, he asked what town it was? They said, Lusen. He asked a good while after, "What town is this we are now in?" They said still, 'twas Lusen. "On my so'l,” said the king, "I will be king of Lusen."

11. In some other of his progresses, he asked how far it was to a town whose name I have forgotten. They said, "Six miles." Half an hour after, he asked again. One said, "Six miles and an half." The king alighted out of his coach, and crept under the shoulder of his led horse. And when some asked his majesty what he meant ? "I must stalk," said he, "for yonder town is shy, and flies me."

17. When Mr. Attorney Cook, in the exchequer, gave high words to Sir Francis Bacon, and stood much upon his higher place: Sir Francis said to him, " Mr. Attorney, the less you speak of your own greatness, the more I shall think of it; and the more, the less."

18. Sir Francis Bacon, coming into the Earl of Arundel's garden, where there were a great number of ancient statues of naked men and women, made a stand, and, as astonished, cried out, "The resurrection."

19. Sir Francis Bacon, who was always for moderate counsels, when one was speaking of such a reformation of the Church of England, as would in effect make it no church; said thus to him, "Sir, the subject we talk of is the eye of England; and if there be a speck or two in the eye, we endeavour to take them off, but he were a strange oculist who would pull out the eye."

20. The same Sir Francis Bacon was wont to say; "That those who left useful studies for useless scholastic speculations, were like the Olympic gamesters, who abstained from necessary labours, that they might be fit for such as were not so."

21. He likewise often used this comparison:† "The empirical philosophers are like to pismires; they only lay up and use their store. The rationalists are like to spiders; they spin all out of their own bowels. But give me a philosopher,

* See this also in his Essay of Despatch. See the substance of this in Nov. Org. ed. Lugd. Bat. 12. Count Gondomar sent a compliment to my p. 105, and Inter Cogitata et Visa, p. 53.

who, like the bee, hath a middle faculty, gather- | be lifted up, the inferior parts of the body must ing from abroad, but digesting that which is too." gathered by his own virtue."

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25. The Lord Bacon was wont to commend the advice of the plain old man at Buxton, that sold becoms: a proud lazy young fellow came to him for a besom upon trust; to whom the old man said, "Friend, hast thou no money? borrow of | thy back, and borrow of thy belly, they'll ne'er ask thee again, I shall be dunning thee every day."

26. Solon* said well to Cræsus, (when in ostentation he showed him his gold,)" Sir, if any other come that has better iron than you, he will be master of all this gold."

27. Jack Weeks said of a great man, just then dead, who pretended to some religion, but was none of the best livers, "Well, I hope he is in heaven. Every man thinks as he wishes; but if he be in heaven, 'twere pity it were known."

SPURIOUS APOPHTHEGMS.

1. His majesty James the First, King of Great | Britain, having made unto his Parliament an excellent and large declaration, concluded thus, "I have now given you a clear mirror of my mind; use it therefore like a mirror; and take heed how you let it fall, or how you soil it with your breath."

2. His majesty said to his Parliament at another time, finding there were some causeless jealousies sown amongst them; "That the king and his people, (whereof the Parliament is the representative body,) were as husband and wife; and therefore, that of all other things, jealousy was between them most pernicious."

3. His majesty, when he thought his council might note in him some variety in businesses, though indeed he remained constant, would say, "That the sun many times shineth watery; but it is not the sun which causeth it, but some cloud rising betwixt us and the sun; and when that is scattered the sun is as it was, and comes to his former brightness."

4. His majesty, in his answer to the book of the Cardinal of Evereux, (who had in a grave argument of divinity sprinkled many witty ornaments of poesy and humanity,) saith; "That these flowers were like blue and yellow, and red flowers in the corn, which make a pleasant show to those that look on, but they hurt the corn."

5. Sir Edward Cook, being vehement against the two provincial councils of Wales and the North, said to the king, "There was nothing there but a kind of confusion and hotch potch of

justice; one while they were a Star Chamber, another while a King's Bench, another a common place, another a Commission of Oyer and Terminer." His majesty answered, "Why, Sir Edward Cook, they be like houses in progress, where I have not nor can have such distinct rooms of state as I have here at Whitehall or at Hampton Court."

6. The commissioners of the treasure moved the king for the relief of his estate, to disafforest some forests of his, explaining themselves of such forests as lay out of the way, not near any of the king's houses, nor in the course of his progress, whereof he should never have use nor pleasure. "Why," saith the king, “do you think that Solomon had use and pleasure of all his three hundred concubines."

7. His majesty, when the Committees of both Houses of Parliament presented unto him the instrument of Union of England and Scotland, was merry with them; and amongst other pleasant speeches showed unto them the Laird of Lawriston, a Scotchman, who was the tallest and greatest man that was to be seen, and said, "Well, now we are all one, yet none of you will say but here is one Scotchman greater than any Englishman;" which was an ambiguous speech; but it was thought he meant it of himself.

8. His majesty would say to the Lords of his Council, when they sat upon any great matter, and came from council in to him, "Well, you have set, but what have you hatcht!"

* See this in his Essay of the True Greatness of Kingdoms

9. Queen Elizabeth was importuned much by | have put a trick upon the countryman, which was my Lord of Essex to supply divers great offices thus: the scholars appointed for supper two that had been long void; the queen answered pigeons and a fat capon, which being ready was nothing to the matter, but rose up on the sudden, brought up, and they having sat down, the one and said, "I am sure my office will not be long scholar took up one pigeon, the other scholar took void." And yet at that time there was much the other pigeon, thinking thereby that the counspeech of troubles and divisions about the crown tryman should have sat still until that they were to be after her decease: but they all vanished, and ready for the carving of the capon, which he perKing James came in in a profound peace. ceiving, took the capon and laid it on his trencher, and thus said, "Daintily contrived, every one a bird."

10. King Henry the Fourth of France was so punctual of his word after it was once passed, that they called him the King of the Faith.

11. The said King Henry the Fourth was moved by his Parliament to a war against the Protestants: he answered, "Yes, I mean it; I will make every one of you captains; you shall have companies assigned you." The Parliament observing whereunto his speech tended, gave over, and deserted his motion.

12. A great officer at court, when my Lord of Essex was first in trouble, and that he and those that dealt for him would talk much of my lord's friends and of his enemies, answered to one of them, "I will tell you, I know but one friend and one enemy my lord hath; and that one friend is the queen, and that one enemy is himself."

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13. The Lord Keeper, Sir Nicholas Bacon, was asked his opinion by my Lord of Leicester, concerning two persons whom the queen seemed to think well of: "By my troth, my lord," said he, "the one is a grave counsellor, the other is a proper young man; and so he will be as long as he lives."

14. My Lord of Liecester, favourite to Queen Elizabeth, was making a large chase about Cornbury Park, meaning to enclose it with posts and rails, and one day was casting up his charge what it would come to; Mr. Goldingham, a free-spoken man, stood by, and said to my lord; "Methinks your lordship goeth not the cheapest way to work." "Why, Goldingham ?" said my lord. "Marry, my lord," said Goldingham, "count you but upon the posts, for the country will find you railing."

15. Sir Nicholas Bacon being appointed a judge for the northern circuit, and having brought his trials that came before him to such a pass, as the passing of sentence on malefactors, he was by one of the malefactors mightily importuned for to save his life, which when nothing that he had said did avail, he at length desired his mercy on the account of kindred. 66 Pr'ythee," said my lord judge, "how came that in?" "Why, if it please you, my lord, your name is Bacon and mine is Hog, and in all ages hog and bacon have been so near kindred that they are not to be separated." "Ay, but," replied Judge Bacon, "you and I cannot be kindred except you be hanged; for hog is not bacon until it be well hanged."

16. Two scholars and a countryman travelling upon the road, one night lodged all in one inn and supped together, where the scholars thought to

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17. A man and his wife in bed together, she towards morning pretended herself to be ill at ease, desiring to lie on her husband's side; so the good man to please her came over her, making some short stay in his passage over, where she had not long lain, but desired to lie in her old place again. Quoth he, "How can it be effected?” She answered, "Come over me again." "I had rather," said he, "go a mile and a half about."

18. A thief being arraigned at the bar for stealing a mare, in his pleading urged many things in his own behalf, and at last nothing availing, he told the bench the mare rather stole him than he the mare, which in brief he thus related: that passing over several grounds about his lawful occasions, he was pursued close by a fierce mastiff dog, and so was forced to save himself by leaping over a hedge, which being of an agile body he effected, and in leaping, a mare standing on the other side of the hedge, leaped upon her back, who running furiously away with him, he could not by any means stop her until he came to the next town, in which town the owner of the mare lived, and there was he taken and here arraigned.

19. A notorious rogue being brought to the bar, and knowing his case to be desperate, instead of pleading, he took to himself the liberty of jesting, and thus said, "I charge you in the king's name to seize and take away that man (meaning the judge) in the red gown, for I go in danger of my life because of him."

20. A rough-hewn seaman being brought before a wise just-ass for some misdemeanour, was by him sent away to prison: and being somewhat refractory after he heard his doom, insomuch as he would not stir a foot from the place he stood, saying, "It were better to stand where he was than go to a worse place." The justice thereupon, to show the strength of his learning, took him by the shoulder, and said, "Thou shalt go⚫ Nogus vogus,'" instead of "Nolens volens."

21. A debauched seaman being brought before a justice of the peace upon the account of swearing, was by the justice commanded to deposit his fine in that behalf provided, which was two shillings, he thereupon, plucking out of his pocket a half-crown, asked the justice what was the rate he was to pay for cursing; the justice told him sixpence; quoth he, then, "A pox take you all for

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