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suits, of her own nature; and the Lord Treasurer | The archduke has risen from the Grave." He Burleigh, to feed her humour, would say to her, answered, "What, without the trumpet of the "Madam, you do well to let suitors stay; for I archangel?" The queen replied, "Yes, without shall tell you, bis dat, qui cito dat:' if you sound of trumpet." grant them specdily, they will come again the

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72. They feigned a tale of Sixtus Quintus, that after his death he went to hell, and the porter of hell said to him, "You have some reason to offer yourself to this place; but yet I have order not to receive you: you have a place of your own, purgatory; you may go thither." So he went away, and sought purgatory a great while and could find no such place. Whereupon he took heart, and went to heaven, and knocked; and St. Peter asked, "Who was there?" He said, "Sixtus pope." Whereunto St. Peter said, "Why do you knock you have the keys." Sixtus answered, "It is true; but it is so long since they were given, as I doubt the wards of the lock be altered."

73. Charles, King of Sweden, a great enemy of the Jesuits, when he took any of their colleges, he would hang the old Jesuits, and put the young to his mines, saying, "that since they wrought so hard above ground, he would try how they could work under ground."

74. In chancery one time when the counsel of the parties set forth the boundaries of the land in question, by the plot; and the counsel of one part said, "We lie on this side, my lord ;" and the counsel of the other part said, "And we lie on this side:" the Lord Chancellor Hatton stood up and said, "If you lie on both sides, whom will you have me to believe."

75. Vespasian and Titus his eldest son were both absent from Rome when the empire was cast upon him: Domitian his younger son was at Rome, who took upon him the affairs; and being of a turbulent spirit, made many changes; and displaced divers officers and governors of provinces, sending them successors. So when Vespasian came to Rome, and Domitian came into his presence, Vespasian said to him, "Son, I looked when you would have sent me a successor."

76. Sir Amyas Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was wont to say, "Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner."

77. The deputies of the reformed religion, after the massacre which was upon St. Bartholomew's day, treated with the king and queen-mother, and some other of the council, for a peace. Both sides were agreed upon the articles. The question was, upon the security of performance. After some particulars propounded and rejected, the queennother said, "Why, is not the word of a king sufficient security?" One of the deputies answered, "No, by St. Bartholemew, madam."

79. Francis the First used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised: so walking one day in the company of the Cardinal of Bourbon near Paris, he met with a peasant with a new pair of shoes upon his arm: so he called unto him and said; "By our lady, these be good shoes, what did they cost thee?" The peasant said, "Guess." The king said, "I think some five sols." Saith the peasant, "You have lied; but a carlois." "What, villain," saith the Cardinal of Bourbon, "thou art dead, it is the king." The peasant replied, "The devil take him of you and me, that knew so much."

80. There was a conspiracy against the empe ror Claudius by Scribonianus, examined in the senate; where Claudius sat in his chair, and one of his freed servants stood at the back of his chair. In the examination, that freed servant, who had much power with Claudius, very saucily had almost all the words: and amongst other things, he asked in scorn one of the examinats, who was likewise freed servant of Scribonianus; "I pray, sir, if Scribonianus had been emperor, what would you have done?" He answered; "I would have stood behind his chair and held my peace."


81. Dionysius the tyrant, after he was deposed and brought to Corinth, kept a school. Many used to visit him; and amongst others, one, when he came in, opened his mantle and shook his clothes, thinking to give Dionysius a gentle scorn; because it was the manner to do so for them that came in to him while he was tyrant. But Dionysius said to him; "I prithee do so rather when thou goest out, that we may see thou stealest nothing away."

82. Hannibal said of Fabius Maximus, and of Marcellus, whereof the former waited upon him, that he could make no progress, and the latter had many sharp fights with him; "That he feared Fabius like a tutor, and Marcellus like an enemy."

83. Diogenes, one terrible frosty morning, came into the market-place, and stood naked, quaking, to show his tolerance. Many of the people came about him, pitying him: Plato passing by, and knowing he did it to be seen, said to the people as he went by, "If you pity him indeed, leave him alone."

84. Sackford, master of the requests to Queen Elizabeth, had diverse times moved for audience, and been put off. At last he came to the queen in a progress, and had on a new pair of boots. When he came in, the queen said to him, “Fy, sloven, thy new boots stink." Madam," said he, "it is not my new boots that stink; but it is the stale bills that I have kept so long."

78. When the archduke did raise his siege from Grave, the then secretary came to Queen Elizabeth. The queen, having first intelligence 85. One was saying that his great-grandfather, thereof, said to the secretary, "Wot you what? and grandfather, and father, died at sea; said an

other that heard him, "And I were as you, I would | philosophers." He answered," Because they think never come at sea." "Why," saith he, "where themselves may sooner come to be poor, than to be philosophers."

did your great-grandfather, and grandfather, and father die?" He answered; "Where but in their beds?" Saith the other, "And I were as you, I would never come in bed."

95. Alexander used to say of his two friends, Craterus and Hephaestion; that Hephaestion loved Alexander, and Craterus loved the king.

86. Aristippus was earnest suitor to Dionysius for somewhat, who would give no ear to his suit. Aristippus fell at his feet, and then Dionysius granted it. One that stood by said afterwards to Aristippus, "You a philosopher, and to be so base as to throw yourself at the tyrant's feet to get a suit." Aristippus answered, "The fault is not mine, but the fault is in Dionysius, that car-mendation of age, "That age appeared to be best ries his ears in his feet." in four things: old wood best to burn; old wine to drink; old friends to trust; and old authors to read."

96. It fell out so, that as Livia went abroad in Rome, there met her naked young men that were sporting in the streets, which Augustus was about severely to punish in them; but Livia spake for them, and said, "It was no more to chaste women than so many statues."

87. There was a young man in Rome, that was very like Augustus Cæsar; Augustus took knowledge of it, and sent for the man, and asked him, "Was your mother never at Rome?" He answered, "No, sir, but my father was."

88. A physician advised his patient that had sore eyes, that he should abstain from wine; but the patient said, "I think, rather, sir, from wine and water; for I have often marked it in blear eyes, and I have seen water come forth, but never wine."

89. When Sir Thomas More was lord chancellor, he did use, at mass, to sit in the chancel and his lady in a pew. And because the pew stood out of sight, his gentleman-usher ever after service, came to the lady's pew, and said, "Madam, my lord is gone." So when the chancellor's place was taken from him, the next time they went to church, Sir Thomas himself came to bis lady's pew, and said; "Madam, my lord gone."


90. At an act of the commencement, the answerer gave for his question, that an aristocracy was better than a monarchy. The replier, who was a dissolute fellow, did tax him, that being a private bred man, he would give a question of state. The answerer said, that the replier did much wrong the privilege of scholars, who would be much straitened if they should give questions of nothing but such things wherein they are practised and added, "We have heard yourself dispute of virtue, which no man will say you put much in practice."

91. There was a dispute, whether great heads or little heads had the better wit. And one said, "It must needs be the little; for that it is a maxim, Omne majus continet in se minus."

92. Solon when he wept for his son's death, and one said to him, "Weeping will not help ;" answered, "Alas, therefore I weep, because weeping will not help."

93. Solon being asked, whether he had given the Athenians the best laws, answered, "Yes, the best of those that they would have received."

94. One said to Aristippus, "It is a strange thing why men should rather give unto the poor, than to VOL. 1.-15

97. Alonso of Arragon was wont to say in com

98. It was said of Augustus, and afterward the like was said of Septimius Severus, both which did infinite mischief in their beginnings, and infinite good toward their ends, "that they should either have never been born or never died."

99. Queen Isabella of Spain used to say "Whosoever hath a good presence, and a good fashion, carries letters of recommendation.

100. Trajan would say of the vain jealousy of princes, that seek to make away those that aspire to their succession; "That there was never king that did put to death his successor.

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101. When it was represented to Alexander, tc the advantage of Antipater, who was a stern and imperious man, that he only of all his lieutenants wore no purple, but kept the Macedonian habit of black; Alexander said, "Yea, but Antipater is all purple within."

102. Constantine the Great, in a kind of envy, himself being a great builder, as Trajan likewise was, would call Trajan "Parietaria:" wall-flower; because his name was upon so many walls.

103. Philip of Macedon was wished to banish one for speaking ill of him. But Philip answered; "Better he speak where we are both known, than where we are both unknown."

104. A Grecian captain advising the confederates that were united against the Lacedæmonians, touching their enterprise, gave opinion, that they should go directly upon Sparta, saying; "That the state of Sparta was like rivers; strong when they had run a great way, and weak towards their head."

105. Alonso of Arragon was wont to say of himself, "That he was a great necromancer, for that he used to ask counsel of the dead :" meaning books.

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106. Lucullus entertained Pompey in one of his magnificent houses: Pompey said, "This is a marvellous fair and stately house for the summer: but methinks it should be very cold for winter.' Lucullus answered, "Do you not think me as wise as divers fowls are, to change my habitation in the winter season?"

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107. Plato entertained some of his friends at a dinner, and had in the chamber a bed, or couch, neatly and costly furnished. Diogenes came in and got upon the bed, and trampled it, saying, "I trample upon the pride of Plato." Plato mildly answered, "But with greater pride."

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108. One was examined upon certain scandalous words spoken against the king. He confessed them, and said; "It is true, I spake them, and if the wine had not failed, I had said much more.' 109. Pompey, being commissioner for sending grain to Rome in time of dearth, when he came to the sea, found it very tempestuous and dangerous, insomuch as those about him advised him by no means to embark; but Pompey said, "It is of , necessity that I go, not that I live."

110. Trajan, would say, "That the king's exchequer was like the spleen; for when that did swell, the whole body did pine."

111. Charles the Bald allowed one, whose name was Scottus, to sit at the table with him, for his pleasure: Scottus sat on the other side of the table. One time the king being merry with him, said to him; "What is there between Scott and sot?" Scottus answered; "The table only." 112. Ethelwold, Bishop of Winchester, in a famine, sold all the rich vessels and ornaments of the church, to relieve the poor with bread; and said, "There was no reason that the dead temples of God should be sumptuously furnished, and the living temples suffer penury."

113. There was a marriage made between a widow of great wealth, and a gentleman of a great house, that had no estate or means. Jack Roberts said, "That marriage was like a black pudding; the one brought blood, and the other brought suet and oatmeal."

114. Demosthenes was upbraided by Eschines, that his speeches did smell of the lamp. But Demosthenes said, "Indeed there is a great deal of difference between that which you and I do by lamp-light."

115. Demades the orator, in his age was talkative, and would eat hard: Antipater would say of him, that he was like a sacrifice, that nothing was left of it but the tongue and the paunch.

116. When King Edward the Second was amongst his torturers, who hurried him to and fro, that no man should know where he was, they set him down upon a bank: and one time, the more to disguise his face, shaved him, and washed him with cold water of a ditch by: the king said; "Well, yet I will have warm water for my beard:" and so shed abundance of tears.

117. The Turks made an expedition into Persia, and because of the strait jaws of the mountains of Armenia, the bashaws consulted which way they should get in. Says a natural fool that stood by, "Here is much ado how you shall get in; but I hear nobody take care how you should get out." 1 Sir Thomas More, when the counsel of

the party pressed him for a longer day to perform the decree, said; "Take Saint Barnaby's day, which is the longest day in the year." Now Saint Barnaby's day was within few days following.

119. One of the fathers saith, "That there is but this difference between the death of old men

and young men; that old men go to death, and death comes to young men."

120. Philo Judæas saith, that the sense is like the sun; for the sun seals up the globe of heaven, and opens the globe of earth: so the sense doth obscure heavenly things, and reveals earthly things.

121. Cassius after the defeat of Crassus by the Parthians, whose weapons were chiefly arrows, fled to the city of Charras, where he durst not stay any time, doubting to be pursued and be sieged; he had with him an astrologer, who said to him, "Sir, I would not have you go hence, while the moon is in the sign of Scorpio." Cas sius answered, "I am more afraid of that of Sagittarius."

122. Alexander, after the battle of Granicum, had very great offers made him by Darius; consulting with his captains concerning them, Parmenio said, "Sure I would accept of these offers, if I were as Alexander." Alexander answered, "So would I, if I were as Parmenio."

123. Alexander was wont to say, he knew himself to be mortal, chiefly by two things; sleep and lust.

124. Augustus Cæsar was invited to supper by one of his old friends that had conversed with him in his less fortunes, and had but ordinary entertainment. Whereupon, at his going, he said; "I did not know you and I were so familiar."

125. Augustus Cæsar would say; "That he wondered that Alexander feared he should want work, having no more to conquer; as if it were not as hard a matter to keep as to conquer."

126. Antigonus, when it was told him that the enemy had such volumes of arrows that they did hide the sun, said; "That falls out well, for it is hot weather, and we shall fight in the shade."

127. Augustus Cæsar did write to Livia, who was over-sensible of some ill-words that had been spoken of them both: "Let it not trouble thee, my Livia, if any man speak ill of us: for we have enough that no man can do ill unto us."

128. Chilon said, that kings, friends, and favourites, were like casting counters; that sometimes stood for one, sometimes for ten, sometimes for an hundred.

129. Theodosius, when he was pressed by a suitor, and denied him; the suitor said, "Why, sir, you promised it." He answered; “I said it, but I did not promise it if it be unjust."

130. Agathocles, after he had taken Syracuse, the men whereof, during the siege, had in a bravery spoken of him all the villany that might be, sold the Syracusans for slaves, and said,

"Now if you use such words of me, I will tell a mean estate did speak great matters, said to your master of you."

131. Dionysius the elder, when he saw his son in many things very inordinate, said to him, "Did you ever know me do such things?" His son answered, "No, but you had not a tyrant to your father." The father replied, "No, nor you, if you take these courses, will have a tyrant to your son."

132. Calisthenes, the philosopher, that followed Alexander's court, and hated the king, being asked by one, how one should become the famousest man in the world, answered, “ By taking him away that is."

133. Sir Edward Coke was wont to say, when a great man came to dinner to him, and gave him no knowledge of his coming, "Sir, since you sent me no word of your coming, you must dine with me; but if I had known of it in due time, I would have dined with you."

134. The Romans, when they spake to the people, were wont to style them, "Ye Romans:" when commanders in war spake to their army, they styled them, "My soldiers." There was a mutiny in Cæsar's army, and somewhat the soldiers would have had, yet they would not declare themselves in it, but only demanded a mission, or discharge; though with no intention it should be granted: but knowing that Cæsar had at that time great need of their service, thought by that means to wrench him to their other desires: whereupon with one cry they asked mission. Cæsar, after silence made, said; "I for my part, ye Romans." This title did actually speak them to be dismissed: which voice they had no sooner beard, but they mutinied again; and would not suffer him to go on with his speech, until he had called them by the name of his soldiers: and so with that one word he appeased the sedition.

135. Cæsar would say of Sylla, for that he did resign his dictatorship; "Sylla was ignorant of letters, he could not dictate."

136. Seneca said of Cæsar, “that he did quickly show the sword, but never leave it off."

137. Diogenes begging, as divers philosophers then used, did beg more of a prodigal man, than of the rest which were present. Whereupon one said to him; "See your baseness, that when you find a liberal mind, you will take most of him." "No," said Diogenes, "but I mean to beg of the rest again."

138. Jason the Thessalian was wont to say, "that some things must be done unjustly, that many things may be done justly."

139. Sir Nicholas Bacon being keeper of the seal, when Queen Elizabeth, in progress, came to his house at Redgrave, and said to him, "My lo. what a little house have you gotten?" said, "Madam, my house is well, but it is you that have made me too great for my house."

140. Themistocles, when an ambassador from

him, "Friend, your words would require a city."

141. Agesilaus, when one told him there was one did excellently counterfeit a nightingale, and would have had him hear him, said, “Why I have heard the nightingale herself."

142. A great nobleman, upon the complaint of a servant of his, laid a citizen by the heels, thinking to bend him to his servant's desire; but the fellow being stubborn, the servant came to his lord, and told him, "Your lordship, I know, hath gone as far as well you may, but it works not; for yonder fellow is more perverse than before." Said my lord, "Let's forget him a while, and then he will remember himself."

143. One came to a cardinal in Rome, and told him, that he had brought his lordship a dainty white palfrey, but he fell lame by the way. Saith the cardinal to him, "I'll tell thee what thou shalt do: go to such a cardinal, and such a cardinal," naming him some half a dozen cardinals, "and tell them as much; and so whereas by thy horse, if he had been sound, thou couldst have pleased but one, with thy lame horse thou mayst please half a dozen."

144. Iphicrates the Athenian, in a treaty that he had with the Lacedæmonians for peace, in which question was about security for observing the same, said, "The Athenians would not accept of any security, except the Lacedæmonians did yield up unto them those things, whereby it might be manifest, that they could not hurt them if they would."

145. Euripides would say of persons that were beautiful, and yet in some years, "In fair bodies not only the spring is pleasant, but also the autumn."

146. After a great fight, there came to the camp of Consalvo, the great captain, a gentleman, proudly horsed and armed. Diego de Mendoza asked the great captain, "Who is this?" Who answered, "It is Saint Ermin, who never appears but after a storm."

147. There was a captain sent to an exploit by his general with forces that were not likely to achieve the enterprise; the captain said to him, "Sir, appoint but half so many." "Why?" saith the general. The captain answered, “Because it is better fewer die than more.


148. They would say of the Duke of Guise, Henry, that had sold and oppignerated all his patrimony, to suffice the great donatives that he had made; "that he was the greatest usurer of France, because all his state was in obligations."

149. Croesus said to Cambyses, "that peace was better than war; because in peace the sons did bury their fathers, but in the wars the fathers did bury their sons."

150. There was a harbinger who had lodged a gentleman in a very ill room, who expostulated with him somewhat rudely; but the harbinger

carelessly said; "You will take pleasure in it with a musician in points of his art, somewhat when you are out of it." peremptorily; but the musician said to him, 151. There was a cursed page that his master" God forbid, sir, your fortune were so hard that whipt naked, and when he had been whipt, would you should know these things better than mynot put on his clothes: and when his master bade self." him, said, "Take them you, for they are the hangman's fees."

152. There was one that died greatly in debt: when it was reported in some company, where divers of his creditors were, that he was dead, one began to say, "In good faith, then, he hath carried five hundred ducats of mine with him into the other world:" and another said, "And two hundred of mine;" and some others spake of several sums of theirs. Whereupon one that was amongst them said, "Well, I perceive now, that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him into the next world, yet he may carry other men's."

153. Francis Carvajall, that was the great captain of the rebels of Peru, had often given the chase to Diego Centeno, a principal commander of the emperor's party: he was afterwards taken by the emperor's lieutenant, Gasca, and committed to the custody of Diego Centeno, who used him with all possible courtesy; inasmuch as Carvajall asked him, "I pray, sir, who are you that use me with this courtesy ?" Centeno said, "Do not you know Diego Centeno ?" Carvajall answered, "In good faith, sir, I have been so used to see your back, as I knew not your face."

154. Carvajall, when he was drawn to execution, being fourscore and five years old, and laid upon the hurdle, said, "What! young in cradle, old in cradle!"

155. There is a Spanish adage, “Love without end hath no end:" meaning, that if it were begun not upon particular ends it would last.

156. Cato the elder, being aged, buried his wife, and married a young woman. His son came to him, and said; "Sir, what have I offended, that you have brought a stepmother into your house?" The old man answered, "Nay, quite contrary, son: thou pleasest me so well, as I would be glad to have more such."

160. There was a philosopher that disputed with the Emperor Adrian, and did it but weakly. One of his friends that stood by, afterwards said unto him, "Methinks you were not like yourself last day, in argument with the emperor; I could have answered better myself." "Why," said the philosopher, "would you have me contend with him that commands thirty legions?"

161. Diogenes was asked in a kind of scorn, "What was the matter, that philosophers haunted rich men, and not rich men philosophers?" He answered, "Because the one knew what they wanted, the other did not."

162. Demetrius, King of Macedon, had a petition offered him divers times by an old woman, and still answered, "he had no leisure." Whereupon the woman said aloud, "Why then give over to be king."

163. The same Demetrius would at times retire himself from business, and give himself wholly to pleasures. One day of those his retirings, giving out that he was sick, his father Antigonus came on the sudden to visit him, and met a fair dainty youth coming out of his chamber. When Antigonus came in, Demetrius said, “Sir, the fever left me right now." Antigonus replied, "I think it was he that I met at the door."

164. There was a merchant in debt that died. His goods and household stuff were set forth for sale. A stranger would needs buy a pillow there, saying, "This pillow sure is good to sleep upon, since he could sleep that owed so many debts."

165. A lover met his lady in a close chair, she thinking to have gone unknown, he came and spake to her.

She asked him, "How did you know me?" He said, "Because my wounds bleed afresh;" alluding to the common tradition, that the wounds of a body slain will bleed afresh upon the approach of the murderer.

166. A gentleman brought music to his lady's 157. Crassus the orator had a fish which the window. She hated him, and had warned him Romans called Muræna, that he made very tame often away; and when he would not desist, and fond of him; the fish died, and Crassus wept she threw stones at him. Whereupon a gentlefor it. One day falling in contention with Domi- man said unto him, that was in his company, tius in the senate, Domitius said, "Foolish Cras-"What greater honour can you have to your music, sus, you wept for your Muræna." Crassus replied, than that stones come about you, as they did to "That is more than you did for both your wives." Orpheus?" 158. Philip, Alexander's father, gave sentence against a prisoner what time he was drowsy, and seemed to give small attention. The prisoner, after sentence was pronounced, said, "I appeal." The king somewhat stirred, said; "To whom do you appeal?" The prisoner answered, "From Philip when he gave no ear, to Philip when he snall give ear."

159 The same Philip maintained arguments

167. Cato Major would say, “That wise men learned more by fools than fools by wise men."

168. When it was said to Anaxagoras, "The Athenians have condemned you to die :" he said again, “And nature them."

169. Demosthenes when he fled from the battle, and that it was reproached to him, said," that he that flies might fight again."

170. Antalcidas, when an Athenian said to him,

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