nu."-Do you understand Latin, Mr. Edi- no one can step with confidence unless he tor? if not, you are unfit for your station and can see whither he is going. Backing out ought to quit it incontinently-an Editor ought to know every thing and more too, and there is one of your tribe, the great pansophist of Philadelphia, who I am told "has been at a great feast of languages and stolen all the scraps." Why did you not fish for an invitation to this feast? Perhaps it may be that you are not fond of fishingneither am I—it is the amusement of a dunce, and we, bless us both! are not dunces! is always disagreeable whether it be from the presence of the king of England, or from a scrape which prudence tells us may create trouble. Between ourselves, sir, I hate Prudence-she is perpetually pulling at the skirts of a man's coat, even if he be on the point of jumping into a river to rescue his fellow from a watery grave-she is for ever closing the hands of charity, and laying stumbling-blocks under the feet of gen. erosity. I must nevertheless allow, that had ing a sneer at my proportions, “pray dont attempt to dance with that ill-favoured form of yours"-but I returned her sneer with interest, and told her to mind her own business. Return we to the dance. The fiddler has | I attended to her advice, I should have been bad time enough in all conscience to bring saved some mortification, for she said, castdown his bow and to put the bipeds in motion. "Hands round" being out of the fashion and of course out of the question, there was no opportunity for me to confuse the commencement of the cotillion-so the head couples crossed over, balanced, &c. per- "Dos a dos,” cried the manager, and forforming all the evolutions of the figure in ward advanced the opposite lady and myself. fine order. At length they finished; and It is the practice of surveyors, when meanow came our turn to cut a figure, and a suring land, if a swamp lies directly in their pretty figure did I cut! In the first "cross way, to take an offset, and run parallel to over," I ran my head against the curls of the line leading to the point where they are the lady on my left, who did not consider to stop, until they pass the swamp, and then that my body took up much more latitude they return to the direct line. Very similar than longitude, and an Erynnis herself to the surveyor's situation was mine.-Alcould not have looked more scowlingly upon me, if I had disturbed all the snakes that curled around her temples. However, she was a cross old spinster, and I must say that so far as it concerned her I did not regret the accident. "Cross over, lady and gentleman," cried the master of ceremonies, and the opposite lady and myself started. Our heads were on a level, and as she advanced, she saw the danger of their coming in contact-with much adroitness she dodged and passed under my head in safety. This occasioned some tittering and the spinster whose curls I had previously discomposed, classically compared me to a Roman conqueror, for I had made a fellow-creature pass under the yoke. But I had made up my mind not to be ridiculed from my favourite amusement, so I blundered along until the manager called out "dos a dos !"-This evolution is none of the easiest to the best dancer with the most slender and upright form. Motion backwards is unnatural and unpleasing in either a man or a horse, and no one can ever perform it gracefully until nature shall see fit to make man a Janus though it was not a swamp, but a piece of beautiful clay, that intervened between me and my place of beginning. So, after I had advanced and passed the lady on the left in the middle of the cotillion, I made an offset to the right, intending to move de retour not by a parallel, but by a gracefully circuitous route. But unfortunately the lady too, as it would seem, understood the art of surveying; ignorant of my manœuvre, and having the fear of my head, not in her eye, unless she could see all the way round the globe, but in her heart, she too made an offset, and as both our evil stars would have it, in the same direction with mine. Consequently, when we thought ourselves at least four feet apart, our heads came violently and unexpectedly in contact-spinning myself around in order to save her from falling, I lost my own balance, and down I went on the floor, where I lay forming two sides of a parallelogram. "Obstupui-steterunt que come” but alas, not crura. Could I have fallen like Cæsar, with dignity, or like Lucifer, never to rise again, I could have borne my misfortune; but alas, there was nothing Cæsarian in my stumble, and as to never rising again, | doubt, thought he could thrust himself on it was absolutely necessary that I should get them and that no one would dare ask Edout of the way as soon as possible, in order mund Kean to apologize for his past crimes that the dance might proceed. From "my fallen state" I cast a fearful glance on the surrounding faces-the devil of laughter sat grinning on them all. I arose, threw as much hauteur in my air as I could, and abruptly quitted the ball-room, cursing my nose, the primal cause of all my mishaps, and vowing never again to mingle in the dance. And I have kept my vow. It is needless for me to relate how the affair was talked over at all the tea-parties in the country, how I was quizzed and ridiculed, how I was nicknamed the dancing sign-post, and a thousand other things which constitute "the madness of my memory." Suffice it, that the associations of cause and effect from the slight curl of my nostril in the first instance, to the catastrophe that at last made me forswear society, can be as clearly traced as the association of ideas about which metaphysicians have prated so much. And now, Mr. Editor, though I will not tell you my name, I will say thus much, that there is no person living who is as much interested as myself for your health, happiness, and prosperity; and yet there is no man who has done more to injure you in these very particulars. Solve this riddle, my Edipus, and so, farewell. PETER PARAGRAPH. Yr sentiments respecting the opposition to Mr Kean in No 12 NY LG (1)has determined me to discontinue that paper. Not that I justify the proceedings at the theatre the evening refered to but that I disapprove of the course you have taken it is so Compleately* wanting in self respect and indeed of virtue. Kean had been driven from his native country on account of his crimes he comes to us out of particular partiality love or respect for American character think you? No-the perfect contempt in which he held the Americans brought him to their country. He, no and former contempt of them. I am glad Your obedt Sert. (1) NOTE A verb must agree with its nominative in number and person. Printer's Devil. * Quere. Would not this writer consent to inspect the proofs of a Dictionary, which we are about to print. Printer's Devil. REMARKS. We shall not honour this man by giving publicity to his name, nor shall we flatter his vanity by eulogizing his outrageously virtuous disposition. We publish his letter as an admirable specimen of grammatical composition, and as containing some amendments in spelling, that we recommend to the serious consideration of the learned. As we must beg leave to decline any epistolary correspondence with so classical a writer; we request our agents in Buffalo, Mess. Lazell & Francis, to present him his bill for the Minerva and Literary Gazette for nine months, and to give him a receipt in our behalf; and to inform him that he must send us no more specimens of his belles-lettres talents without paying the postage of his letters. The postmaster will give them the name of the writer. Whatever powers of mind this correspondent has exhibited, he has shown a deficiency in one particular capacity, we mean that of memory; for he unluckily forgot that he had no business to make us pay the postage of his letter-a man who is so virtuous on a large scale, ought not to omit the little every day honesties, amongst which we certainly cannot number the picking of an Editor's pocket, by sending him unpaid letters, contrary to the express stipulations of the terms on which the paper is furnished. It is really too much to send can assure him that little respect as we may have for ourself, we have less for him; and we part from him with this advice—before he undertakes to write another letter to any one, let him amend two things, his manners and his spelling. However much "want of self-respect" a man an impertinent letter, and to impose upon him by making him pay the postage we may have exhibited in the judgment of besides. A letter comes to an Editor; he this overmuch-righteous letter-writer, we cannot tell by the outside whether it is a letter on business or on personal concerns; if he takes it from the office and opens it, he must pay its postage, as in the present instance; and thus any man who is little enough to take advantage of an Editor, can do so, as in the present instance. We trust those of our friends who are our agents in the country, will not consider these remarks as applying to them; our connexion with them renders it proper that we should pay the postage of letters, both to and from them. We have no allusion to them in complaining of the practice of some subscribers and cor- Lost, on the way to the theatre-the respondents. One man, living on the Mis-whole population of the third ward. CROSS READINGS. Wanted, a middle aged woman to take care of-the committee on Military affairs. Death on the Pale Horse-wishes a sitting room, with breakfast, in a genteel part of the city. A coloured boy of about 16 years of age, wishes-to be chairman of the committee on Indian affairs. Strayed or stolen, a few days since-the capital of the Lombard Bank. Died, yesterday after a short illness-the New-York Sharon Canal company. sissippi river, sends us two sheets of poetry Wanted, a gentleman to teach the French wherein there is not fire enough to warm a language to-two hundred gallons of Irish spider's claw; another, living on the banks whiskey. of the Tuguloo, writes us that he has mislaid a number of our paper, and will be under great obligations to us if we will supply the deficiency; a third sends us word that a certain No. has not been received (the fault being with the post offices, for our paper is always regularly mailed) and requests us to forward it. Now, if all our country subscribers were to adopt this course, it would cost us, on an average, $300 per annum; and although the majority are not guilty of this breach of the terms on which they receive the paper, there are some who make no scruple of indulging in the practice Theatre. This evening will be presentagain and again. The actual expense to ed the tragedy of Coriolanus, the part which they have subjected us, is in itself a of Coriolanus by-a farm in Westchester trifle, but we do not choose to submit to im- county. position to the value of a farthing. The celebrated horse Napoleon-will be appointed one of the ministers to the con gress of Panama. The committee rose, reported progress, and obtained leave to sit again on-300 bags of Brazil coffee. Brutal outrage. A gentleman riding on the Harrisburgh turnpike on the night of the 6th inst. was knocked down by-1 pipe of old Port wine. Mysterious affair. On looking over the advertisements in the "Buffalo Emporium" we discover that the writer of the foregoing letter, is a vender of About 12 o'clock Drugs and Medicines; of Anderson's Cough Drops and Pectoral powders, &c. &c. Now, last evening the inhabitants of Grand-street, in the same number which contained our were alarmed by cries of murder! murder! correspondent "C's" criticism on Kean, on examination it was found the cries came which roused this man's virtuous indigna-from-200 boxes of soft shelled almonds. tion, there is an article burlesquing the ad- Wanted. a nurse for-4 casks of Rasp TIME'S SPECTACLES. vertisements of infallible remedies, wonder- berry Brandy. Quidquid agunt homines." Juvenal. A woman in Boston, who killed another woman by beating her with a pair of tongs, tin Gen. Barton.-This veteran of the Revolution, the captor of Prescott, after lingering for years in a prison in Vermont, separated from his family and cut off from active life by merciless and inhuman justice (she is represented as deprived of sight, why not also, as deprived of feeling?) has at last been restored to his freedom and his family. And by whom? by his grateful country? Noby an American individual then, whose generosity could not endure the sight of a hero in chains? No-but by Lafayette! Does not this is noble action, for such it is, carry the most cutting reproach to America and Americans? has been indicted for manslaughter. The law | omitted. In the last sentence but one after recognises no such crime as woman-slaugh- these words: "the outlines of the numbers," ter,probably from a gallant notion that beau- add, "which were attributed to Mr. M. inty, as it makes the lion quail, is proof, as dividually," &c. Anacreon says, " αντ' εγχέων απανίων ;” yet though it be proof against spears, it -In seems that it is none against tongs.New-Hampshire, a boy has been sentenced to four years imprisonment for stealing a der-box and a pair of gloves; this lad pays pretty dear for attempting to procure light in his darkness, and to keep his hands clean. -A man in Pennsylvania advertises that 'she is,' says he has taken up a stray cow: he, such an infernal cross creature, that no one can milk her; Therefore' continues he, 'the owner is requested to take her away.' Are we to conclude from his "Therefore," that had she been less of a Katharine in her temper, the advertiser would not have called for her Petruchio?- -A great man in the west has lately made a speech, in which he announces the following discovery. "Human nature is restless, and man, as he ever has been, is ambitious." This discovery is about as novel, as the discovery that man carries his head above his shoulders, would be.- -The Baltic sea is sinking at the rate of four feet in a century; this is by no means so rapid as the sinking of certain banks not very far from a greater sea. The town of Martinsville, in Virginia, says a Richmond paper, contains a Court House, an office, a few other houses and some indi-phical maxim, that "there is no such thing vidual inhabitants, but not a single woman! What a silent town it must be! but, we must confess that it is a sort of silence which we should by no means relish. It is a most unpoetical, unsentimental, humdrum sort of a town. Our government has no Minister at Constantinople, in consequence of which our commerce in that quarter, suffers. The objection to sending a minister, is said to arise from the preliminary necessity of sending magnificent presents, on which the Sublime Porte insists. If the Porte continue their demand, let us send them a few thousand balls, which, presented by the cannon of our navy, will be quite as magnificent as they may desire. Such presents have a wonderful effect in conciliating those who receive them. Correction. In the article on Gen. Hamilton, &c. in our last number, a line was For the New-York Literary Gazette. COLD WEATHER. "Sub Jove frigido." Cold weather has come at last, and the wary citizen, as he thrusts his goodly nose beyond the precincts of his threshold, finds Jack Frost ready with his icy nippers to give it a pinch. Now the snow crackles beneath our feet like the laughter of fools. Now our dilated and extended nostril admits the air into the very penetralia of the brain; and so far from agreeing with the philoso as cold," we begin to think it visible and tangible. Now, albeit unused to the melting mood, the hardest-hearted villain walks the streets with tears in his eyes. Now the stage-driver cracks into the city with four smoking steeds, like a moving volcano, and with a frozen nose claps his mittened hand against his great coated thigh, and wonders how a Russian postillion can keep hitnself warm. Now socks, mantles, great-coats and cloaks, of various patterns and fashions, are fished up from the bowels of old chests. Now the dandyshuffles along the slippery pavement and strives to comfort himself with the beauty of his light drab and pearl buttons, since he cannot with its warmth. Now we sympathise with high steeples and slate roofs, the former looking naked and solitary, and the latter fairly blue with the cold. Now he who with his ungloved hand unwittingly touches cold iron, feels a prickling surpassing needles, Now the idea of silk stockings and pumps | CLASSICAL LITERATURE. Agricola of Tacitus.—Chap. VI. elliptical manner of Tacitus's style, and afThis passage is a striking example of the is disagreeable to the imagination, and white pantaloons are things not to be thought of. Now the most sceptical mythologist is Hinc ad capessendos magistratus in orconvinced that the nectar of the gods was didis natalibus ortam, sibi junxit: idque mabem digressus, Domitiam Decidianam,splenneither more nor less than hot whiskey trimonium ad majora nitenti decus ac robur punch. Now pine wood and Liverpool coal, fuit: vixeruntque mirâ concordiâ, per mutupiles of blankets, and heaps of woollen stock-am caritatem et invicem se anteponendo; nisi ings, drawers of flannel and flannel drawers, quod in boná uxore tantò major laus quanto are things delectable to the eye. Now he who in mala plus culpæ est. flattens his nose against a frosty pane and looks into the street, will see dignified indi-fords ample proof, that, in reading his works, viduals beyond their grand climacteric, pas- we must frequently guess at, rather than sing at a slow trot, urged by dire necessity hope to ascertain his meaning. In the formto unwonted speed. Now a great many out- er part of the sentence, he informs us that Agricola and Decidiana lived in wonderful landish things come into notice and rememharmony with each other, and ascribes that brance, which are forgotten the rest of the domestic comfort to their reciprocal deferyear, such as queer looking caps, sausages, ence; and thus bestows equal praise upon and country members of the Legislature. both the husband and wife. But in the latNow fashion resumes her throne in the meter clause he loses sight, as it were, for a tropolis, after a summer campaign at the moment, of the subject in hand, and qualifying the expression which represents both various watering places, and confectioners, as equally meritorious, throws in a general fiddlers, and waiters chuckle at “the pros-remark, that in every case of this kind the pect before them." Now bank applicants begin to put forth their claims, and lobby members inspect their respective wardrobes previous to the winter session. Now foot stoves are brought into church for the use of the ladies, and sundry noises of coughing, ́sneezing, and the trumpeting of noses disturb the voice of the preacher. And now the author chilled by the coldness of his subject, drops his pen from his stiffened fingers, and begs to take leave of his readers. Albany, Dec. For the Literary Gazette. IMPROMPTU Written in a sick friend's Album. V. A gem would soon he shaken from their crown. And pray'd that death might not remove that gem. ELODIA. wife is vested with more power than the busband, either of promoting the peace and happiness of a family, or of producing its discord and misery; in short, that in the home department the wife may be considered as commander-in-chief. Whether this senti. ment of Tacitus, philosophically considered, be rigidly accurate or not, is not, I conceive, the subject with which we have at present to do; but, since this is the uniform reading out the just interpretation of the words, as of the manuscripts, let us endeavour to find they have come down to us. Believing, then, that these are the words which came from the pen of Tacitus, and that the sentiment conveyed by them is worthy of that philosophic writer, I would translate the pas sage thus: "Agricola and Decidiana lived in wonderful harmony with each other, in consequence of their mutual deference; it may be said, however, (that when both the husband and wife are good,) her merit is as much superior to that of the husband, as (when both are bad) her demerit is greater than his. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. JAMES G. BROOKS, Editor and Proprietor, No. 4 Wall-street, New-York. Subscriptions received by G. & C. Carvill, 108 Broadway-where communications may he left, or transmitted through the post-office to the editor. No subscriptions received for a shorter term than one year. No letters or communications will be taken out of the Post Office, unless the postage is paid. Terms-Four dollars per annum, payable in advance. J. SEYMOUR, printer, 49 John-street. |